How to look at other humans and not explode.

Before I start on my spiel today, I want to check-in with our goals for this year. In all honesty, I think I could do better. As I transitioned from running up to 5 miles every day, to running 7 miles every other day, I got kinda lazy. Also, we caved during Easter and Finals week on the natural-sugars-only thing. I had a confetti cupcake just the other day. But this is just a lapse! We'll be back on our feet, after we adjust to the new summer schedule. As far as spiritual goals go... well, there is always room for improvement, and we'll keep trying our best. Now, on to something I've been meaning to say for some time:

"You are surrounded by people. You pass them on the street, visit them in their homes, and travel among them. All of them are children of God, your brothers and sisters. God loves them just as He loves you. Many of these people are searching for purpose in life. They are concerned for their families. They need the sense of belonging that comes from the knowledge that they are children of God, members of His eternal family. They want to feel secure in a world of changing values. They want “peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come” (D&C 59:23), but they are “kept from the truth because they know not where to find it” (D&C 123:12)." -- Preach My Gospel, p. 1

I have always felt that one of my core values is unconditional love-- something I strive to understand and to excel at, but don't often reach. I think I've been blessed to be able to glimpse into different walks of life and take to heart that everybody is struggling with something, no matter who it is. That includes the wealthy and beautiful, the vulnerable and impoverished alike. Life is hard for everybody, and as mortals without a bird's eye view of others, we have absolutely no right to judge. Voltaire remarked in his Treatise on Toleration that, 

"The atoms called man....Thou didst not give us hearts that we should hate each other or hands that we should cut each other's throats...All our stations in life so disproportionate in our eyes but so equal in Thy sight... May all men remember that they are brothers..."

Isn't it just so easy to see that car that just pulled in front of you as just a car? We objectify people, we assume they did it on purpose, and we have some very choice words for that good-for-nothing *&%$# who would dare ruin our commute. But did you ever stop to consider-- what if it wasn't dispositional? What if, instead, we realized that mistakes are almost always situational? What I mean is, how hard would it be, when we've been wronged, to just step back and realize that their slip-up was not them showing us their deepest personality flaw, but instead was them being subject to a happenstance which was out of their control, which they reacted to in a perfectly human, imperfect, way? After all, we are humans too. Small, seemingly insignificant humans.

 We are small in this vast universe, but we have divine potential to be like God. I read in my Social Work textbook that, "All people are inherently great, it's just that some have forgotten" (Cummins, 2012, p. 24).  This is something I have witnessed, in myself and others, and I desire to look upon others and see their potential for good. I just got a new job as a health care assistant. I'll be working at a residential treatment center where I will encounter people who deal with internal trials that I will not understand. I'm excited and nervous as I learn to interact with the people living there, who are not always nice and not always happy, but it is my job to have relationships with them. 

My favorite thing to try to do is to remember this in my marriage to Jacob, my hero. When I met him, I thought he was perfect, so I loved him. Now he knows I'm not perfect, and I know he isn't either, and we love each other even more. We slip up on occasion. It's hard to keep a goal to stop nagging, it's hard to not eat that doughnut somebody put in your face, and it is obviously hard to live with your best friend, knowing they see your weakness just as much as you see theirs. But the beautiful goal is that, "when we can stand in the possibility of our [spouse's, friend's, client's] greatness, we have transcended our own biases and made an empathic connection with them" (Cummins, 2012, p. 24). This is what I strive for, to remember that Jacob is possible great. Possibly wonderful, perfect, stupendous, et cetera! And when I allow myself to see him and others the way God sees them, I am free. 

I've felt it is important to teach our future kids that not everyone will think they are wonderful; You aren't perfect, but you are loved and you have the potential to become perfect. It goes the other way too: You may not think that everyone else is wonderful either. So, next time somebody cuts you off in traffic or cusses you out or complains to you, remember this quote from Brene Brown's book, Rising Strong:

"All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be."

References

Brown, B. (2015). Rising strong.

Cummins, L. K. (2012). Social work skills for beginning direct practice. 3rd ed. 

Preach my gospel: A guide to missionary service. 

Voltaire, ., & Harvey, S. (200). Treatise on tolerance. Cambridge, U.K: Cambridge University Press.